MY PERSONAL DISABILITY: CAPACITY TO LOVE HANDICAP… As I changed my Facebook profile picture today and began writing my kudos to my father, I had yet another AHA moment. I was thinking about how he’s been the model father to me, my siblings and even children in the absence of their own.
I’m going to block and copy what my initial sentiments were when posting about my father…..
“I’m so VERY GRATEFUL that I have always had the PERFECT EXAMPLE of the ONE and ONLY TYPE OF MAN that should ever be my type when choosing a partner. It’s not only husbands/boyfriends who should be the REFLECTION of GOD’s love for you manifested in the flesh, but FATHERS TOO – and my DAD absolutely HAS!!!!
My father is and has been the greatest and most wonderful ALL MY LIFE. He has always provided, spent time with us, made us laugh & crack up, had us cry (with discipline), been proud of us & proved it, invested in our dreams (emotionally & financially), and given us the best life (full of love, comfort, good times, great memories, and joy). He not only IS the best father to all of me and my siblings, but he stepped up for my children when their father was nowhere around growing up. In fact, he’s been the best father to us all, husband to my mom, father and grandfather to my children, and yep usher & van driver to the church. LOL. Cheers to you DAD!!!!!”
I realized as I was writing that post and reflecting on the awesome man he’s been and continues to be after all these years, that I have a handicap that I never before knew or realized I had. I had NOTHING BUT LOVE in my household growing up. My family is so very close, generous, loving and kind that we don’t understand how else to be. We’ve laughed, cried, shared, and strengthened each other through every type of incident, crisis, celebration, and milestone for each and every member. I realize only now that this man is the reason for my development as a child and my subsequent ability to love others with a depth and breadth that is stronger than most. I am not like others in that I’ve looked for the men who I have previously chosen to live up to the standards and expectation of being as my father. In fact, I’m more guilty of loving men who have been their own men and quite far from his example with the depth and breadth as if they WERE of his caliber, and in some cases absolutely undeserving of such measure from me and treasure in me.
In sports, when there is a person who is handicapped in an area, it is considered a deficiency. I don’t know why it is that handicaps of any kind or type are considered deficiencies at all. In fact, I would venture to say that a handicap in one area (because yes it’s usually found only in one) means that there was more strength left over for GOD to place somewhere else in the person. (smile). For example, people with the handicap of not being able to see are better equipped at hearing. Those who are considered autistic have been discovered to be absolute genius in other creative areas. That being the case I now know and can embrace and accept the handicap I’ve lived with my entire life….. that of my capacity TO LOVE. It has never failed and I’ve been one to love men, women, children, family & even strangers with a magnitude that has not only made some question my motives, but with a sincerity that has had those without the example or taste of such a love reject me completely. That’s called the unconditional love often referenced as God’s AGAPE LOVE. While it has absolutely been what has attracted a greater number of people to me than not (which is what handicaps sometimes do…. have the curious looking to satisfy their thirsts), it has also been a double-edged sword that has cut deep into the parts of others that they would rather have remain numb.
In either case now that I’ve realized my handicap; My CAPACITY TO LOVE HANDICAP and the root cause of my handicap, having GOD’s love for me manifested in the flesh as a father, I can begin to COMPENSATE…. that is if I want and choose to. Nahhh, the more I think about it, and even with its sometimes very painful consequence, I think I’ll just keep being who I am and continue this journey through life accepting of my disabilities and thanking GOD for them whether people accept them and can deal with them or not.